What is a Vietnamese Tea Ceremony and How to Plan One Successfully?
Planning a Vietnamese wedding often starts with choosing an auspicious date, a decision typically guided by a Buddhist monk or a respected fortune teller. Following their advice is believed to bring happiness and prosperity to the couple. Traditionally, there's also an Engagement Tea Ceremony where the groom's family offers gifts as a dowry to ask for the bride's hand in marriage from her family. However, many modern Vietnamese couples skip this part of the ceremony.
TIPS FOR THE COUPLE
Altar Location: The choice of the altar location is often non-negotiable for parents. Typically, it's in a small room, and accommodating both the groom's and bride's families can be challenging due to limited space. Many decorators may suggest placing a table and chairs in the room, anticipating that elders will sit during the tea ceremony. While this setup may look aesthetically pleasing, it can obstruct photographers and videographers from capturing the shots they need. My advice is to initially set up the table for photos and video, then move it aside during the tea ceremony to allow photographers to capture full-body images of the bride and groom.
Decorations: Don't wait until the morning of the wedding to arrange the altar and tea ceremony area. Remove unnecessary furniture in advance to create space for your guests. Photographers prefer to capture candid moments with family and friends on the morning of the ceremony, rather than family members rushing to set up decorations on the day of the wedding.
Chose a Representative: Designate one person on each side to serve as your representative; they will lead the entire ceremony. Ensure they understand the sequence of the tea ceremony. Each parent may have their own preferences, so discuss the ceremony sequence with them well in advance and inform both representatives.
Posture: Maintain good posture during the ceremony: stand up straight, chest forward, and shoulders back. Practice in front of a mirror to ensure you look your best!
Mothers Putting on Bride’s Jewelry: To speed things up, have someone else put on the bride's jewelry gifts during the tea ceremony. Then, ask the mother to pretend to put them on for photo and video opportunities. In some instances, the mother of the bride would drop a piece of jewelry and end up taking us 5 minutes to find it.
Smile Often: Remind everyone to smile frequently. It's easy to forget when focused on tasks.
Strike a Pose: When it's time for gift-giving, encourage family and guests to pose for a photo with you after presenting their gifts. Designate someone you trust to collect and hold the envelopes to avoid them showing in your photos.
Photos Before Lunch: Ensure you capture family, wedding party, and couple portraits before releasing everyone for the lunch reception. Once guests sit down to eat, their clothes may wrinkle, and their enthusiasm for photos may wane.
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The Preparation
Traditionally, on the morning of the wedding day, the bride gets ready at her parent's house, while the groom gets ready at his. As part of the dowry or as symbols of wealth and luck, the groom's family prepares gifts, including items like a whole roast pig, fruits, cakes, and jewelry for the bride.
The Arrival
(10-15 minutes)
The groom, his family, and close friends will then make their way to the bride’s house. There, the groom’s representative, usually the parents or another elderly family member, will knock on the bride’s parent’s door and ask for permission to come in and receive the bride. Once the bride’s family has agreed, the bridesmaids will line up outside of the house to await the groomsmen to line up in front of them and to receive the gifts. Once gifts are exchanged, the bridesmaids will take the gifts into the house followed by the groom’s parents, the groom, close family members, and then the groomsmen. Since the tea ceremony is usually held in the living room, space is always limited, for this reason, the bridesmaids and groomsmen will for the most part stay in the back to give room for the immediate family members.
The Formalities
(10 minutes)
The ceremony will start with the bride’s representative giving words of welcome followed by the introduction of immediate family members. The groom’s representative will state their intentions and respond with words of appreciation and introduction of the groom’s side of the family.
The Tradition
(10 minutes)
The fathers or representatives from both sides will each light a candle and bow to the altar as a sign of respect. The bride’s father will announce the entrance of the bride, at which time the bride’s mother will walk to where the bride has been waiting and walk her out to meet the groom and his family. The representative of the bride’s side will announce that the couple will light incense and bow to the altar to pay respect and ask for blessings from the ancestors. Sometimes, the couple will turn to the parents and bow, then bow towards each other. The couple will then exchange their wedding rings, however, in some instances, the couple sometimes opt to exchange rings at another church ceremony or at a separate American style ceremony.
The Tea Cereony
(20-30 minutes depending on the size of the families)
Typically, the best man holds the tea tray while the maid of honor pours the tea into two small tea cups. The couple then picks up the tea cups and offer tea to the family members starting with the eldest members such as the grandparents and the parents from both sides. After accepting and consuming the tea, the family members have their chance to present gifts and give words of encouragement, wisdom, and congratulations to the couple.
The Family Portraits
(10-20 minutes depending on size of the families)
Lining up in front of the altar or a decorative wall for photos is an absolute must in a Vietnamese wedding. You’d want to do this prior to releasing the family members to the reception. If space is limited, the outdoor is a great place for family group photos as well.
The Short-breather
(5-10 minutes)
The wedding party will quickly take a bathroom or water break to prepare for their photo session.
The Wedding Party Portraits
(10 minutes)
Not everyday do Vietnamese women dress up in the traditional Vietnamese Ao Dai, thus this is the perfect opportunity for photos.
Groom and Bride Portraits
(20 minutes)
This is pretty much the only opportunity the photographer will have to capture the groom and bride’s portraits, so remember to fit this segment into your day.
The Lunch Reception
The tea ceremony ends with a feast, giving the groom’s side and the bride’s side the opportunity to socialize and get to know one another.
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